If you want to be a successful human being (a few helpful tips)

I would like to point out that there are a lot of unsuccessful human beings out there in the world. I am not saying unsuccessful like they cannot get jobs or anything like that. Oh no. I am talking about people who are unsuccessful at being human beings. So I have taken it upon myself to give society a few tips about how to become a successful human.

Always put your cart in the cart receptacle. Do not put it in the empty parking space next to you. Do not just leave it near the receptacle. Put it away! 

Park your car well. Don’t park at an angle. Don’t take up more than one parking space. And most importantly do not park so that the car you are next to cannot get into their car or out of their parking spot.

Use your words. Don’t just pound on your pocket when you want to tell me that your flashlight is there. I don’t know what that means! Even worse though is when you insist on abbreviating words and using words that are not real words. You are a human being! You have a right to speak. USE IT!

Never block the lane of traffic. I don’t believe that requires explanation.

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You know…

You know what I don’t understand? Why sticky tape (all forms of sticky tape) and the post office are my enemies. Seriously, I did nothing to justify their villainy. I also don’t understand why when it gets to be summer the only thing I want to do is play Mario Kart. he other day I finished everything I had to do and sat down on the couch thinking, I’m going to play a little Mario for a while. It was nearly ten minutes before I realized that my brother and I’s wii was in Seattle with my brother. I think it is because Summer is a generally “laid back” kind of season. It is the time that you get to spend relaxing and getting to know people better and honestly I cannot think of  a better way to get to know people than playing Mario Kart with them. You think you know a guy and suddenly he hits you with a blue shell. I should have seen that coming. 

Take me for example, I am generally a quiet and sort of unassuming character but I will come over the table at that old man if he throws down one more draw for card! I don’t end up playing a lot of super competitive games with people because I get super competitive and say things like “anything less than the top two is unacceptable” and “I can’t live in a world where Baby peach wins.” That is the sort of competitive streaks that come out of me when I play Mario Kart (and Monopoly, Risk, Sorry, Scrabble, Spoons and literally any other game).

I also believe that a person’s character choice tells you a great deal about them. For example, I always play as Princess Daisy. I think Princess Daisy gets an unfair wrap as the Luigi of the princesses, she’s the younger sibling’s princess. FALSE (here’s where I get really defensive).Princess Daisy is AWESOME! She has better stats than Peach and gets kidnapped 99% less often. Why would I want to play Peach when Daisy is so much better. You see Daisy tells all of you, about me that is, that I am not going to do something, like be romantically linked with the hero, just because of what the hero does. No I am going to do what I want to do, actually… I’m going to be the hero myself. 

What do you think your favorite Mario Kart character says about you?

Dress for the Job you want (2)

Time Traveling Dinosaur Hunter:

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Actually, I have never wanted to be anything more than I would like to be a time traveling dinosaur hunter. That would be awesome.

I would get to go through temporal anomalies and help velociraptors kill Helen Cutter (all of you have to watch the show Primeval, I think it is all on Netflix and on Youtube).

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Unfortunately, due to the nature of time travel, most of the pictures are blurry. It is the same problem Mr. Bigfoot and other secretive beasts have. (That is the last time I let a t-rex handle my camera)

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But my outfit was still great for hunting dinosaurs. I selected a green shirt so that I would blend into the prehistoric jungles better. Then my hiking boots so that I can both run and and hike in the dangerous (word-I-don’t-know) era.

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Finally, I selected the two most important accessories for dinosaur hunting; Aviators (I watched Top Gun far too much as a kid) and the most powerful Nerf gun I could find.

True story.