I warn you that the answer will probably surprise you and it definitely will surprise me because I haven’t actually thought the whole thing through yet but bear with me and I don’t think you will be disappointed.
Look how excited/overwhelmed I am about figuring this out. So excited that I had to find a haystack and sit down beside it.
Like most so very many people I love super hero movies. I need super hero movies. I watch super hero movies over and over and over again until I can quote along with them and then I watch them again. Seriously. Some of you may recall that I ended up watching Avengers 3 or 4 times the day that I bought it on dvd. If not here is where I blogged about that https://hotstrongandsteamed.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/my-day-of-watching-the-avengers/
So after watching Thor 2 and hearing both sides of the Loki vs Thor debate and rewatching Iron Man 3 and hearing Tony’s comment about things never being okay because Pepper is in a “stable relationship” with him I started to wonder which of the Avengers, and their sidekicks, would be the best date.
I think we should start by meeting the contestants.
Tony Stark/Iron Man
The billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Tony Stark does have his good qualities. You certainly would not be bored on a date with… actually you might be. Tony Stark might exclusively talk about himself and never compliment your outfit or ask you a single question. Then again he might fly you around in his private jet or let you drive one of his super coll sports cars. If you are into science you guys will probably have a good time inventing stuff. However, unless you are Pepper Potts you’re just going to be a one time guest star on the Tony show.
Lt. Colonel Rhodes (I have to Google how to spell Colonel every single time)/ The War Machine
Speaking as someone who lives in an Air Force town I just have to say “DAMN!” Man in uniform. I don’t know what it is but I know from my friends around here and all sorts of other things that a man in uniform is always super attractive. Then you start dating and there are all the military transfers and things and it becomes a little less fun but there is that immediate reaction. On a more serious note (Me? Serious? Yeah right) Lt. Colonel Rhodes is a pretty awesome character. He risks his life and career for Tony Stark dozens of times and Tony is never as grateful as he should be. I would be grateful but then again I also would not put my friend in a situation where they have to testify in congress that I am not a danger to the country. Rhodes is a good guy. He would probably be a good date.
Speaking of men in uniform…
Steve Rogers/Captain America
I’m just going to say it. Captain America is my favorite. Chris Evans is my favorite, Captain America is my favorite, Steve Rogers is my favorite etc. I told a friend one day that I wanted to watch Captain America and she said to me “really? That’s my least favorite of the Avengers movies.”
My response was, “what’s not to like? You’ve got Chris Evans, historical fiction, super heroes, science fiction, and then more Chris Evans. There is nothing NOT to like!” We then watched Captain America.
Back on topic.
Steve Rogers/Captain America would certainly be an old fashioned gentleman on his date with you but he would probably still be heart broken about Peggy and it not being the 1940’s anymore. I get it. I’m still heartbroken that it’s not the 90’s anymore. He also would not get any of your movie references which is actually probably a good thing because seriously we, as a generation, need to talk about things that don’t involve screens. I think Steve Rogers would be a wonderful date so long as you don’t go dancing (he never danced, he’ll step on your feet) he would be opening the doors, being sure not to cross boundaries, probably compliment you a lot, and he has a photographic memory so he will remember most of the things you say. Downside he still doesn’t know anything about women.
Bucky (remember Captain America’s best friend?)
I’m pretty sure (and I’m taking this assessment strictly from the movie) that Bucky is the 1940’s version of a player. He took a lot of girls dancing. He also made Captain America ride a roller coaster that made him throw up. That is not very nice. He would probably be one of those guys that has every minute of your date planned out. “We’re going to this then this then this.” It would be fun but don’t forget that next week he is going to hit on some other girl because that is what I got from that movie.
Damn. Just… Damn! Thor is more beautiful than I am (that’s not that difficult.) He’s the most beautiful person in that movie and Natalie Portman is in that movie. Look at that hair!
Thor, much like Captain America would probably be a bit of an old-fashioned gentleman (except there will be a lot of dish smashing) with the added bonus of we get to go anywhere in the universe. Can you imagine the locations your date would take place in? It would be fantastic right up until Odin ruined everything. Odin doesn’t think any one is good enough for his little boy, I’ve noticed.
Loki is not an Avenger. He’s a bad guy in that movie which means he’s out on a technicality but if I don’t add him to the list I am going to catch a ton crap.
However, Loki is not going to be the best date of all the Avengers. I don’t care how much “improvement” he made in Thor 2 or if he was “under the influence of the tesseract” in Avengers. I also don’t care how great Tom Hiddleston might be. Loki is going to be a terrible date.
I immediately regret writing that because just think about the kind of mischief you and he would get into. Like Thor you still have access to all 9 realms and instead of being a pair of goody-two-shoes you’re going to get into all sorts of trouble. That actually sounds like a ton of fun. The only reasonable explanation for that sudden change of heart would be that damn glow stick of destiny. he still wouldn’t be a very good date. You know how people say confidence is the most attractive thing? Yeah, now imagine Loki on your date whining about always being Thor’s shadow.That would be less fun.
I’m thinking that Hawkeye is super smart. Not to mention in incredible shape. You would have to be in order to be a master assassin and super spy as well as one of the only Avengers who does not have super powers or a super suit. I don’t know how good the date would be because of the whole Black Widow implied love in the movie. I think it would be a very fun time though. Maybe you guys could do archery and rock climbing (you’re very sporty in this version of your life).
Director Nick Fury
Worst date of all time. What would you do? Spy on people, look deep into his eyepatch? I don’t think he technically counts as an Avenger either.
Agent Phil Coulson
I’m going to call it. Except for being old I’ll bet Agent Coulson is the best date of all the Avengers. I can’t believe the cellist left him, for Portland of all places. He’s the coolest. Normal average guy who then turns out to be a bad ass. He’d take you see an orchestra concert and then let you help save the world. Then you can talk about how great Captain America is and taze Tony Stark. Sounds like the best day of my life to me.
When I was in college I participated in The Dating Game, to help out a friend of mine who was putting it on. One of the questions I asked of my contestants was “if you had super powers what would they be and why?” After a range of very well though out answers I leaned into the microphone and said, “I am sorry but the correct answer was Batman.”
That is the case in this situation as well. The correct answer is always Batman but he’s not an option so here is my arbitrarily decided ranking:
1) Phil Coulson
2) Captain America
8) Tony Stark
9) Director Nick Fury
I’m Katie and I approved this ranking.
DAMN! I forgot the Hulk! I’m a failure.