Driving a mini-van directly affects how cool you are

(I had to ask my parents if it was effects or affects because I never remember even though I studied English and know everything)

I believe that on the coolness scale I fall about 92% maybe 95% is I’m wearing my aviators. In reality I’m probably somewhere more in the 60s to 80s depending on if I’m wearing my aviators (I wear aviators, aviators are cool) but there is one thing that affects my coolness level even faster than wearing aviators… my grandmother’s mini-van. Actually any mini-van. Mini-vans and varying comments about mini-vans drop your coolness factor by a minimum of 50 points. That means that on any day that I’m at 60 points on the coolness scale and I come within in 10 feet of a mini-van or even consider driving one somewhere I automatically drop to 10. Don’t argue with me on that one because you all know I’m right.