Dear Friends

I just want you to know that I’m not angry with you. I’m just angry. Sometimes I get like this. It’s not that I don’t want you around it’s that I don’t want anyone around. It’s just that I am angry. That being said please stop everything you are doing that annoys me because if it continues I really will be angry with you.

Okay, everyone knows that letter was not serious right? Good. So here’s the deal. I feel like in my angry rage (the one that has lasted about a month) I feel like I have alienated a lot of my friends. Not intentionally just because everything annoys me and I react to the annoyance. Then I feel like they are mad that I’m mad about whatever happened when really I was just trying to get them to not read what I’m working on over my shoulder (which I once slapped a girl because of so my reactions are getting better), pick up one of the workshop pieces I have sitting on my binder, or eating crackers like they own the place. They probably aren’t really mad. It’s probably more like a Carrie thing where only a few people are laughing but it seems like everyone is laughing and then the gym get’s set on fire. At least, I hope they’re not mad. PLEASE DON’T BE MAD! I have enough anger for everyone in Spokane.

Now anyone who thinks I was mad at them probably now assumes I’m definitely mad at them.

Oh the vicious cycle that my anger has



Is it STILL February

First of all; Penguins. Why?

But seriously is it honestly still February? The shortest month of the year has become the longest month of my life and I have no explanation for how it has done it other than my circa 1986 denim jacket has the ability to make me to travel through time (I don’t know how. I know words… not science). I feel like it has been Spring semester forever but it’s been less than a month and I fear that the closer I get to Graduation the slower time is going to move. Soon instead of it feeling like a week every day every hour will feel like a month.  Sadly I know that I am the only person IN THE WORLD (or my friend group) who   has this problem. Everyone else would like time to slow down or stop all together rather than face the impending doom of Graduation (I capitalize Graduation for the same reason I capitalize Superman) I just kind of want my life to move at a pace that seems normal rather than molasses slow.

No… seriously guys is it really still February? This is some kind of trick right?

I am a Reasonably Intelligent Person

I generally regard myself as being an intelligent person. In my lit classes, writing classes (as I said in my last post I am an English Major), and the classes outside of my major I tend to make reasonably smart comments that contribute to class discussion. Then I go into my Composition and Rhetoric classes. Classes on the theories behind writing and grammar and the like. I open the assigned reading or take notes in lecture and mostly just stare at the page wondering to myself; “how did I go my whole life without learning any of these words?” (I have a similar feeling whenever applied physics students talk to me). The speaker in the article, or the professor if it’s a lecture, then seems to start speaking faster and faster. I feverishly try to keep up until my brain overheats and crashes. At that point I not only have to restart but usually run a system restore and lose any information that I had managed to hang onto from the article/lecture.

Once this process is complete I think (I would say to myself but I think that portion of thinking goes without saying) “at least class should be almost over by now.” Oh no, class is nowhere near over because either time moves slower in composition classes or I know how to time travel (personally I hope it’s the second one). It’s a serious problem that I have in my life.

Why it’s okay for English Majors to Open Coffee Shops

I am an English Major (a fact that I am sure none of you have guessed) and I have concluded that English is the single most trashed on major in the college world. Theater would be the most trashed on but everyone except Theater Majors forget that Theater is a major (sorry). I have also concluded about the English Major that English Majors and Business Majors secretly really hate each other (not on an individual basis but as one whole to another).

Any time I have to explain to one who studies business that I am an English Major (let’s find out how many times I can say English Major) they always say something snotty to me along the lines of “what are you going to do with that? Open an English store?” Fortunately English Majors give them our fair share of crap as well. Any class I have that is only the English Major types there is at least one comment made throughout the semester about how easy a business major probably is, that’s why they have all that extra time to play sports and go to parties (hooray for stereo types that are not even a little true). We just hate each other and I’m pretty sure that the reason for it is coffee. Opening a coffee shop is pretty much the English Major dream. (I believe that is 8)

We all know how to read and write very well so running our own business cannot be too hard. Especially if any of us do succeed, English Majors are basically slapping all business majors in the face (or any other choice body part) when we say or think such things. No wonder they hate and think our area of study is useless, we won’t even use it in our chosen career. That is the problem. The following list is not the solution to this problem but it is a list of reasons why English Majors really are right.

1) I run a house. Including paying bills and buying food and supplies. Running a business can’t be too much more difficult than that.

2) For centuries people who do not have a degree in business (or anything) have run successful businesses.

3) …

I’m bored with this subject can we talk about how cool my coffee shop is going to be?

I Don’t Want Your Pre-Packaged Version of Love

I recently received a text message from a friend of mine (who frequently forgets that I have an extremely limited number of texts). In this text she told me that she was working to “hook me up” with a boy she knows who is “single but shouldn’t be” from 3000 miles away (yeah Sarah I’m talking to you)? My response was to stare at the phone with a face like this: 

before responding with a text that said, “when I want a husband I will buy one!” This person is not the only friend who is constantly trying to set me up with people or who wants me to just be dating someone. It does not matter who they just want me to be in a relationship as if it validates the fact that they are always in relationships (I think they actually just want me to be dating someone so that they can be bridesmaids when I get married to whatever person and they want it to be sooner rather than later).  The excuse is that they just want me to be happy. I AM HAPPY and I do not need this prepackaged/store bought version of love to be happy. Actually to be happy I’m pretty sure all I need to be happy is for my school to always have home basketball games and for me to always have steak… yeah that would make me happy.

Being set up with one of these so called eligible bachelors is like being handed a frozen dinner version of someone else’s favorite meal and being told to reheat it. A frozen dinner can be really nice, either way it’s going to fill me up, and it’s going to be really easy to make but when it comes to being in love that is not what I want. I want my favorite meal (I have different taste in men than most of my friends and while the guys they date are nice I would not have had crushes on most of them) and more importantly I want to make my meal myself, everything from buying ingredients to pulling it out of the oven. Sometimes I feel like I need to  say I’m sorry everyone that I’m not in love and that I don’t even want to try the prepackaged love you have brought me (which was very nice of you) but I just have not been hungry enough to go pick up my supplies from the store (This metaphor has gotten really convoluted).

On the other hand

*If I woke up from a coma and told me he was my husband, I wouldn’t question it.


How to Use WebMD Properly


Step 1- Identify your symptoms (such as a drop in blood pressure)

Step 2- Choose the most mundane and usual reason for such symptoms (such as blood loss or dehydration)

Step 3- Treat accordingly and go back to your life.


Step 1- Identify your symptoms (such as a drop in blood pressure)

Step 2- Choose one or all of the most terrifying ailments remotely associated with the symptom (examples include liver failure, heart disease, pregnancy, a word that’s very hard to spell and … wait for it… cancer (actually cancer is not on the list associated with a sudden drop in blood pressure))

Step 3- Curl up in a ball and watch the world slowly close around you while you anticipate your inevitable doom.

The Problem with Having a Water Bottle in Class

(Note I wrote this during class but this is the first chance I have gotten to post it)

I’M NOT THIRSTY I’M BORED! So here I sit, in class, with 750 ml of water and 12 oz of coffee in front of me and what do I do in order to stay awake and entertained? I pick up one of my beverages and take a nice big sip. What am I doing? At the rate I drink during class I finish my water bottle (and coffee and whatever else) half way through the class. Then the unspeakable happens. Then I have to pee for the entire second half of the class. I can’t learn under these conditions. Of course there is a silver lining to this storm cloud of terror; I am super hydrated!

I know exactly when this theme of drinking when I’m bored started; elementary school. In elementary and middle school we were not allowed to carry water bottles (they were discouraged in high school but so were drugs and anyone who watched a 90s after school special knows how well that worked). That was when the idea of drinking water when your bored started. On a regular basis during SSR (sit down, shut up, and read or something like that I know the R was either read or reading) I would finish my book with another 15 minutes or so left before the next activity and the idea of getting just any other book seemed gross so I would waste a little time. I would flip through the book and mess around but there would still be so much time and I would be bored. My hand would go up and the question would be asked, “may I go get some water?” The hallway was a whole new treasure trove of interesting things to do and all without supervision, it was thrilling. I would wander to the drinking fountain, get a drink (I was already out there after all), and wander back. It was a great time and the best part was that later I would need to go to the bathroom and the process would start all over again. Now I’m in college and that just doesn’t fly but when I get bored the first thing I reach for is my water bottle and it starts a very terrible and decidedly less fun sequence of events.