Before I start I want to let all of my faithful followers know that I have fixed the problems with the last 2 posts. Posting from a tablet just isn’t the same as posting from a computer.
I’ve talked about in the past, mostly in reference to food and books, but it has come to my attention again and I think I need to work through it a little, I am not good at sharing. it’s not just tangible things that I have a hard time sharing either. In fact, its mostly intangible things that I have a really hard time sharing.
I’ve been watching through the whole Avatar franchise again over the last few weeks, it’s just good television, and posting a lot of Avatar cosplay onto my pinterest boards. A friend of mine who I’m going with to Comic Con in September really liked the cosplay and said she wanted to do it. My response was “I won’t let you cosplay as an Avatar character without at least watching the Last Airbender series.” And now she is. I should be happy about this but I’m not. I told her exactly what to look for on Amazon and that I thought she would enjoy it (which she is and I really did think she would enjoy it) I just wasn’t ready to share this thing I love with her, or anyone outside of a really small group of people I was already sharing it with.
Its not really that I don’t want to share the things that I love but that other people don’t love them in the same way I do and that makes me feel possessive and defensive. I also feel possessive and defensive when they start to obsess MORE than I do. There’s no way that they can actually love it more than me but it looks like they do. It’s stupid but this is something that is really hard for me. I don’t like sharing my intangible things with others.
Why? Someone shared it with me to begin with and there are hundreds of thousands of people who I already share it with. I should not feel this way, especially about sharing something I like with someone I like. Especially when it is all I want to talk about.
I think it boils down to the fact that I like to be a little bit weird. I like to have my thing that makes me different than others. I roller blade almost every day and when I see someone over the age of 13 rollerblading on the same trail I feel like they are encroaching on MY territory. And I feel the same way about Avatar (it turns out). I feel like it is my special thing that I share with Justin, Dana, and Caitlin and no one else. If someone else loves it too I might lose it. It’s a very complicated emotion and I wish I didn’t feel it.
The sum of it is that I’m sorry if I share something with you then act a little weird about it. I want you to love it I just, also don’t want to share. Sorry.