I don’t mean to say “I’m awesome” or anything like that but I say some truly great things. A lot of those things are awkward or odd (I once had a post listing all of the strange things I said in the hall way) but sometimes I have great little gems of awesomeness. Today was “finals week” for jan-term here at school and here is a list of fantastic and wonderful things I said/wrote during my final.
1) Many people will clutch their pearls and gasp at the audacity of that statement.
2) THIS is A+ work you guys! Oh, I’m sorry I forgot this was a silent final.
3) Wait… Donuts? I thought this was a murder mystery final where’s the dead body from the crime we’re solving?
4) … CRAP! I lost my train of thought. Oh well I’ll just get another donut.
That’s all I remember but I;m sure I said other great things because I am really funny. (I don’t know if you knew that about me but it’s true.)
This afternoon I walked into my home looked at my older brother (who lives in the same house as me) and said “I hate EVERYONE.” In true older brother fashion he started following me around the house while I panickedly (I just decided that it’s a word) gathered things to take to work and asking me why I hate him, our dog, our housemates dog, and finally my cat. Finally (because I hate everyone) I got very annoyed and clarified my statement. “I hate everyone at (insert my schools name here) except the seniors, the english department faculty, and the coffee shop baristas!” Then I clarified again. “Really I just hate all the juniors.” They say three times the charm so I clarified a final time, “I hate the 30 or whatever juniors who are taking my spot in core 350!” You see my school has this really dumb series of classes that all students must take. Core 150, 250, and 350. I (a graduating senior) should have a spot in that class but due to a series of events that were so unfortunate it hurts me (none of which were my fault, I know usually when people say that it’s not true but for reals it was not my fault) I did not get to register until super late and have been running around for a month and a half trying to get into the class. I must get into that class to graduate and as I said at lunch (a bit cleaner because it is the internet and my mom might be reading it. HI MOM!) “I am not doing an extra * semester for core 3 * 50!” So here is my letter to the Universe (that portion of the blog was the explanation).
Dear Universe (who happens to currently be my enemy)
You do not want to get into this with me! I will destroy you, even if it takes me until December 21! Actually that is probably what the Mayans predicted (For reals though if it takes that long much worse things will happen than the world or the universe coming to an end). So bring it on Universe! You will not prevail foul troll!
Okay boys and girls if you don’t want the world to come to an end in 2012 then I had better get into core 350 by the end of the week so I need all you all to concentrate your good energy to me getting let into the stupid class that I already resent (because I don’t have any good energy left to direct toward the cause).
I think it is possible that taking a lit class all about murder mysteries and then spending most of my spare time at work watching old episodes of Castle has caused something strange to happen inside my brain (normally I’m a Bones girl but I’ve watched all the episodes except the one that will be on tonight and I really love the bromance between Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito on Castle). That strange thing that has happened is that I have started spending a lot of my time thinking about murder. Not about how to commit murder, only psychopaths do that, but about how murders happen and especially how to avoid being convicted of murder. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve been making sure that people know when I arrive places (that’s how the cops on t.v. know that your alibi checks out). That’s a problem, I don’t even know any murderers and I don’t really want to they don’t seem like they would be good friends (you know who would be good friends? Time travelers and dinosaur hunters).
The worst thing about being sick in college is the fact that for every class you skip there is one jerk who feels the need to point out that you “basically wrote a hundred dollar check to the school and got nothing out of it.” I get it, we pay a lot to go to school here but shut up. I got plenty out of that hundred dollars. I got to lie in my bed feeling miserable but try desperately to keep up with school work anyway, I got to kneel in front of my toilet and banish everything inside my body to the outside of my body and you got the honor of going to class not having me vomit on you.
Then there is the fact that when you are sick at home someone will at least try to take care of you. Your mother brings you Gatorade to replenish your electrolytes or half a banana to calm your stomach. Sure those things will continue to make you feel gross for a while but it’s better than the college alternative in which everyone exclaims that they can’t get sick right now and run from you like the plague (which you feel like you might be carrying) and if you have the audacity to ask a housemate (or dorm mate) for a slice of bread they stand at the door to your room and throw the entire loaf of bread at your bed. “Thanks I was actually thinking that one slice of bread would actually be 27 slices too few.”