Dragon Slaying Tips

Dragon Slaying Tips

 

Never laugh at a live dragon.

            As a noble dragon slayer I often feel the need to pass on my years of wisdom and experience to those out there who may not understand how much of an art form dragon slaying actually is. Because of that inner need I occasionally come across more like a human fortune cookie than a sane and functioning adult. Now, thanks to the modern marvel know as literacy, I can share my knowledge and gifts with a new generation of dragon slayers without interrupting whatever it is that the people around me seem to think is more important that the finer points of dragon slaying.

            Do you need this information? Probably not but I have put a good deal of work into this essay so you are going to read it.

Dragon Slaying Tip #1: Carry Aloe.

            I am sure it is not news to you, the experienced hero now preparing to try their hand at dragon slaying, that fire burns. It should also not be news to you that dragons happen to breathe fire. The first tip should really be “do not get burned” but for a novice dragon slayer that is nearly impossible. Therefore you should always carry aloe with you or some other burn ointment of your choosing.

Dragon Slaying Tip #2: Size does matter.

            It should be known that slaying one dragon does not make you a dragon slayer. What it makes you is lucky. It does not take skill to win once but it does take skill to win half a dozen times. In the world of dragon slaying you either win or get burnt to a crisp and eaten for a mid-morning snack. That is why you must slay a minimum of two dragons to be considered a dragon slayer, five dragons to be considered a professional dragon slayer and ten or more to be a noble dragon slayer.

            In the same way the size of the dragon makes a difference in what sort of slaying it truly is. An infant dragon is no more dangerous than a cat and is only worth a very small percentage of an actual dragon kill while a fully grown dragon can be worth one to one and a half dragon slayings, only in very rare cases is a dragon worth more than one slaying.

Dragon Slaying Tip #3: Slay it or do not fight it all.

            Dragons have been known to hold grudges against “dragon slayers” for the entirety of their lives, which is practically forever. They also have more follow through than any creature you will ever meet. When a dragon says that he is going to melt the flesh off the bones of everyone you have ever met in your life, he will do it. So when fighting a dragon you have to be certain that it does not have a reason to hold a grudge against you. Trust me; a dragon with a grudge is the single most terrifying thing you will ever deal with and they have been willing to hold a grudge for even the slightest infraction.